ben_garou: (Magic Book)
I'm sure my sister would be happy if I moved to the woods and lived a subsistence lifestyle. Ain't my bag. Apparently, there are Mages that live like that too.

I am a city boy though, and prefer it that way... so of course on Alicia's asking, I'd called in favor and used every minute of saved sick leave, both paid and unpaid vacation time, and took time off while the Queen was thrashing about.

I honestly didn't know yet where I'll was going but only that it was going to be uncomfortable. I've not studied the sphere of the mind, yet... but I'm aware that decisions have force behind them, and dictate destiny. So it seemed safer to not be sure until I'm out of town and away from any likely prying eyes.

So I travelled aimlessly and slept at motels I came across and my Avatar couldn't have been more pleased. He guided me towards something out there but as usual, it was just another windmill to tilt against. He doesn't care about the goal, the destination. Only that I keep moving. Keep... Questing.

Out there on the road I spent the time learning the life and spirit energies of the plants and animals I encountered, and jotted them all down in as non-esoteric a fashion as I could. Out in the desert, there is so much more noise in the life that survives there. Life screams to survive. It seems to know that it must be able to be heard, even it that means it will be hunted, to keep the desert alive. I imagine the Garou would have something to say about the natural order of things in regard to this. In particular, this was a good experience because it taught me to view Life as something that happens not only within the individual living thing, but as something interconnected. I feel on the verge of a breakthrough into manipulating this energy.

Connected to that is the idea of distance and location. The space that things take up, and the spaces between. It is called Correspondence. Nick spoke of it to me and out there on the road, and in the great wide open, I began to feel it. I will explore that energy more when I return home...

Home... The Queen is dead now, and I'm on my way back.

Times like now that I'm very grateful to my mentor, Nicodemus. He's prepared me, in part at least, for trying times like these. I am aware now. I take opportunities to learn about my reality.

Oh, and little Cassidy is an absolute joy to travel with. The world holds such wonders for her.
ben_garou: (Magic Book)
There is a lot I will not share here, because I want to be positive. Suffice it to say that I have been betrayed by someone close to me. I will forgive them, because I must. But trust will not come so easily, nor do I really want it to. My dreams were... stolen from me. My Master (note: Nick clearly does not like it when I call him Master) called it being Mindraped. I certainly felt wronged, cheated, and manipulated but I do not know if I would call it that. I don't feel... violated so much as denied my Will. As a Mage, you must understand that having control of your Will is important. It is significant. It is everything. My Ma... Nick, helped me get over the initial reaction, which was far less controlled than this one and I asked him to do something to prevent me from being so denied again. What Carter did to me was much worse and this reminded me that I needed to protect my Mind and Spirit. So I went to Nick's cabin for a few days. To better understand the Garou and what they can do, I asked him to teach me about the Spirit sphere.

We did just that and it was actually exhilarating! I hadn't touched the Spirit since my Awakening and this reminded me where it all began, with Val in the Umbra. Nick (so weird calling him that) is ridiculously powerful. He was able to thin the walls between the Realm and the Umbra. I touched that resonance once more that was the catalyst of my becoming. He thickened the Gauntlet in his sanctum again and kept going until I couldn't feel the touch of the Spirit any more. We went back and forth with this for some time. Eventually I realized that Spirit felt more like electricity than any of the other Spheres. It was like static building as I experienced it. I often felt that if I touched something, I would discharge a spark. This led me to an idea for a device. So I built a meter made from copper wiring and magnets. Basically a kind of flux wand. I can feel the charge, pull, and vibrations of Spirit through it.

Then I got home. Been busy. I've had a break through in multi-resonance Magick when I had an experience with Forces as they relate to Life. Forces and Life are interesting Spheres where they intersect. Life moves. It contracts and expands. It is constantly creating and destroying. This illusion of stable consistency is just that. Those two are the easiest to understand the direct interaction of. I'm curious where Forces and Spirit come together at a fundamental level. There has to be a way to test that... quite an experience it would be.

Forces...

Oct. 11th, 2015 11:08 am
ben_garou: (Default)
Forces are supposed to be the fun sphere. Fireballs and lightning bolts and flying (the hard way. I've been told travel by Correspondence is less likely to end up with you a smear on a wall somewhere) and stuff.

First though, you need to understand it and guess what? What Forces are? What they really are? Is very quite boring. I'm starting to really dive in to them. Try to see or feel them the way I can can with a lifeforce or a pattern of matter but... Forces are too fundamentally different.

I know it will click. Master Nicodemus is a good teacher and lets me find my own, guided, path.

For me, Forces seems to feel a lot like a Choose Your Own Adventure roller coaster. It moves along, and fast, and if you know what to watch for you can see where the tracks go... all the possibilities that you can guide your car along.

For example, I study a candle fire which is a prime example of Forces, no pun intended. I see a flame... a single bit of energy that is comprised of a whole lot of other bits of energy. But essentially it is not in progress. It doesn't have much potential. Then, I light a match with that bit of energy and I start to experience a taste of something primal within the fire.

The crystals don't help with this, the light that Forces give is too erratic. I don't see the pattern of it. I need a new focus.

Wait... taste... smell... there's something there. One moment, I will try something.

Ah! Yes! It is there. A flavor. Like a metallic tang in the air when blood vessels nearby have been broken. Strong Forces leave a trace of something in the air behind them. I'm sure weak ones do too... I just have to figure it out. What it is. How I sense it. What it means to me.

It won't be long now!
ben_garou: (Default)
Another Avatar dream. King Arty (he hates when I call him that), got really excited when I saw this castle here in Washington state that was actually brought brick by brick from England. Real deal stuff, I guess. I thought I should go check it out, for fun, and he turned the whole damn thing into a quest.

Oh, yeah! Brown robed dude? Turns out it's none other than Walker Kinfolk, former detective Nicodemus Dalton. He revealed himself to me. Which was actually nice. Showed some trust. Also, he wants to go on a road trip with me. Offered his RV. Guess we're going to check out a castle!
ben_garou: (Default)
Since my time with Carter, I haven't had many dreams. Sometimes I'd think on it, and assume I must just be having dreams I don't remember. I used to dream a lot, before that time.

When the Awakening hit me, and it hit me hard, the dreams returned. My Avatar, this representation of King Arthur with a quixotic touch has been harassing me. I'm apparently not doing enough. I just am getting the hang of the idea that I am a Mage and he's on my ass to hit the road and do... something. He's vague about the actual part where I get to be told what it is that I should be doing.

Then there are the other dreams. The one where the robed figure appears to me. He's another Mage, clearly. He's been teaching me for a little while now, in my dreams. He gives me advice, instructs me, and warns me about... me. I guess. My potential and what could happen if I get too friendly with the Garou about what I am. He gave me a penny, a real one that was there when I woke up. It was a magick penny. Really. I studied the hell out of it, trying to understand that magick. I could feel the weight of the power in my hand.

I told him of that weight in the next shared dream. He was curious about what that weight meant to me and what I actually felt. This was good, because it led me to question my senses. I figured out soon after that dream that what I was detecting was actually just an energy. I knew it was there, cause I caught it in the corner of my eye. I tried a lot of things to focus on it. I used a magnifying glass and a microscope and all kinds of crap... then I decided to try drugs. Weed first: Nada. Then shrooms: Nada again... but I was tripping out hard and saw this bit of crystal in a rock garden I had been given as a gift. I picked it up and was looking at all the fractals of it when the idea hit me. I looked at the penny through it, and at the right angle I could see the energy. It was just as amazing after the drugs wore off as it was with them in effect.

Some time passed as I studied what I could of crystallography. I found various types of crystals helped me focus of different aspects of the true nature of things. I studied my daughter. She's Garou apparently, someday to awaken herself into a war which will expect her to fight and die for Gaia. I can't see it yet though. Perhaps if I had more understanding of Spirit magic.

Then, this last shared dream. It started as a this kind of nightmare. It wasn't frightening but it was disturbing. Damn Avatar was fighting the idea that I should be sleeping when there was "so much to be done". Then it all melted away. The robed figure was there again, in the desert.

Our lessons continued. I shared how I learned to use the crystals. He kinda laughed at me, said I shouldn't get offended if people started calling me a Crystal Waver. Guess there is a negative hippy connotation to using crystals as a crutch among the warpers. Though that leads me to believe that, like Carter had, I would develop senses that would replace my reliance on such tools. I'm curious how long down the road that will be.

He shared with me the fall of one of his other students to the Nephandi. Fucking hell. Had to kill one of his own. Just... sucks. I understand now why he has to keep me at a distance, just appear in dreams and so on. My essence is bent towards the Questing. So was this other student's. As the robed one said, "Some quests are simply not smart undertakings." I'll keep that in mind.

Since this all started, my studies of Prime, Matter, and Life Energies have born fruit. I can detect them all in the pattern now. I've yet to be able to really manipulate them, aside from a touch within myself. It makes sense that these aspects of reality came first to me. Prime is the heart of all Magick. Matter and Life are concepts we experience everyday. I'm pretty sure I know what's coming next on that front.
ben_garou: (Default)
So. How to start. I'm just some guy, yeah?

I mean, my sister is a werewolf, and so is my daughter (adopted) but me personally? I'm a detective for the SCPD, former SWAT. I've tracked, killed and helped kill more than my fair share of fomori, vampires, evil werewolves, and I even think I saw a mummy once.

Anyways! Almost a decade ago, I used to be an Acolyte (Mage speak for non-awakened slave) for this self-appointed techno-holy man named Carter. He wigged the hell out, split into two people, one of whom did something to my mind, then disappeared. He was supposed to teach me how to become a Mage. Like him. Back then, I just wanted to be something special. Like my sister and her kind were. It didn't take.

Then a Corax, that's a were-raven, named Val who used to be an adult but is now a child cause shit like that just happens, apparently... took me into the Umbra to show me what it was like. It was like a dream come true. I never imagined. I mean, I guess I imagined but my imagination was, at the time, too paltry and frail to come close to what it was really like.

I saw something. I can't explain it, but I knew what it was even if I can't remember anymore. Then I felt this kind of veil lifting from my eyes and I really, truly, saw. Everything that I should have been seeing this whole time but had been prevented. It entered my brain and all the truths I had realized but ignored bored a hole deep into my being. I exploded with energy. I became liquid. I was Potential. I was also terrified.

Val saw what was happening to me and took me somewhere safe.

Soon after the dreams started. But I'll get to 'him' later...

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December 2016

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