ben_garou: (Magic Book)
I'm sure my sister would be happy if I moved to the woods and lived a subsistence lifestyle. Ain't my bag. Apparently, there are Mages that live like that too.

I am a city boy though, and prefer it that way... so of course on Alicia's asking, I'd called in favor and used every minute of saved sick leave, both paid and unpaid vacation time, and took time off while the Queen was thrashing about.

I honestly didn't know yet where I'll was going but only that it was going to be uncomfortable. I've not studied the sphere of the mind, yet... but I'm aware that decisions have force behind them, and dictate destiny. So it seemed safer to not be sure until I'm out of town and away from any likely prying eyes.

So I travelled aimlessly and slept at motels I came across and my Avatar couldn't have been more pleased. He guided me towards something out there but as usual, it was just another windmill to tilt against. He doesn't care about the goal, the destination. Only that I keep moving. Keep... Questing.

Out there on the road I spent the time learning the life and spirit energies of the plants and animals I encountered, and jotted them all down in as non-esoteric a fashion as I could. Out in the desert, there is so much more noise in the life that survives there. Life screams to survive. It seems to know that it must be able to be heard, even it that means it will be hunted, to keep the desert alive. I imagine the Garou would have something to say about the natural order of things in regard to this. In particular, this was a good experience because it taught me to view Life as something that happens not only within the individual living thing, but as something interconnected. I feel on the verge of a breakthrough into manipulating this energy.

Connected to that is the idea of distance and location. The space that things take up, and the spaces between. It is called Correspondence. Nick spoke of it to me and out there on the road, and in the great wide open, I began to feel it. I will explore that energy more when I return home...

Home... The Queen is dead now, and I'm on my way back.

Times like now that I'm very grateful to my mentor, Nicodemus. He's prepared me, in part at least, for trying times like these. I am aware now. I take opportunities to learn about my reality.

Oh, and little Cassidy is an absolute joy to travel with. The world holds such wonders for her.
ben_garou: (Magic Book)
There is a lot I will not share here, because I want to be positive. Suffice it to say that I have been betrayed by someone close to me. I will forgive them, because I must. But trust will not come so easily, nor do I really want it to. My dreams were... stolen from me. My Master (note: Nick clearly does not like it when I call him Master) called it being Mindraped. I certainly felt wronged, cheated, and manipulated but I do not know if I would call it that. I don't feel... violated so much as denied my Will. As a Mage, you must understand that having control of your Will is important. It is significant. It is everything. My Ma... Nick, helped me get over the initial reaction, which was far less controlled than this one and I asked him to do something to prevent me from being so denied again. What Carter did to me was much worse and this reminded me that I needed to protect my Mind and Spirit. So I went to Nick's cabin for a few days. To better understand the Garou and what they can do, I asked him to teach me about the Spirit sphere.

We did just that and it was actually exhilarating! I hadn't touched the Spirit since my Awakening and this reminded me where it all began, with Val in the Umbra. Nick (so weird calling him that) is ridiculously powerful. He was able to thin the walls between the Realm and the Umbra. I touched that resonance once more that was the catalyst of my becoming. He thickened the Gauntlet in his sanctum again and kept going until I couldn't feel the touch of the Spirit any more. We went back and forth with this for some time. Eventually I realized that Spirit felt more like electricity than any of the other Spheres. It was like static building as I experienced it. I often felt that if I touched something, I would discharge a spark. This led me to an idea for a device. So I built a meter made from copper wiring and magnets. Basically a kind of flux wand. I can feel the charge, pull, and vibrations of Spirit through it.

Then I got home. Been busy. I've had a break through in multi-resonance Magick when I had an experience with Forces as they relate to Life. Forces and Life are interesting Spheres where they intersect. Life moves. It contracts and expands. It is constantly creating and destroying. This illusion of stable consistency is just that. Those two are the easiest to understand the direct interaction of. I'm curious where Forces and Spirit come together at a fundamental level. There has to be a way to test that... quite an experience it would be.

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ben_garou

December 2016

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